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May 18 2018

13:45

taquito:

the cashier asked me how im gonna pay like in terms of cash or card and i just said “money” cause i meant cash and she went “thats how it works”

11:53

leipke:

me: *has feelings*

me: Pathetic. Disgusting. Won’t Let It Happen Again.

May 17 2018

23:08
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denisvileneuve:

#me attempting to flirt

21:15
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19:23
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17:30

‘for the expoooosure’

15:37

sheabuttahgawd:

Sometimes it is your fault.. Sometimes you don’t listen well enough, you’re selfish, you’re rude and you aren’t always right. Sometimes you fucked it up and tbh that’s okay. It happens, learn from it, apologize and keep it moving. Just because you fucked up doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Don’t dwell on it

13:45

businessofgals:

Me, seeing a girl with short hair in punk fashion: omg that’s my type

Me, seeing a girl all in pastels: omg that’s my type

Me, seeing a girl in tight clothes and red lipstick: omg that’s my type

Me, seeing a girl who looks casually androgynous: omg that’s my type

Me, seeing a girl: omg that’s

11:52
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shishisart:

doodle dump

i’m trying something new!

May 16 2018

23:08
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21:15
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tryhardgay:

pls, tag urself, i spent a whole minute making this

19:23

peppapigvevo:

bombtraq:

beezelbubbles:

allisonpregler:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

nuka-rockit:

Does anyone remember the “”Kwanzaa Cake”” by Sandra Lee?? that thing was such a fucking trainwreck. she stuck fucking dinner candles in it the kind you use in a candlestick she just stabbed them in

“teaspoon of cinnamon” idk sandra u sure that’s enough

she just dumps a whole can of canned apple pie filling in the center. just. cold apple goo from a can

“Decorating is so much fun! use acorns”

pictured above: corn nuts

not pictured above: acorns

She’s stabbing the cake so that the dinner candles will fit i’m crying

there she go

Now we just spinkle some unflavoured pumpkin seeds and “acorns” on top of this chocolate-cinnamon frosting covered, apple pie filling stuffed angle food cake for that authentic Kwanzaa Flavour™

she’s cutting into it i have tears in my eyes it looks so sad

“kil me mother”

“leT ME DIE”

behold. the food of kings

this is what pure bliss looks like

I love this every time

I’m going to add the confessional from the ghostwriter who came up with this thing. It originally appeared on HuffPo, but has been taken down. Here’s the link to where I found it, though: http://www.eurweb.com/2010/12/woman-behind-sandra-lee%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%98kwanzaa-cake%E2%80%99-explains-debacle/

“The Making of the Infamous Kwanzaa Cake

Okay, I’m only going to say this once and then I’m leaving the country. Seriously, by the time this post is up, I’ll be in Thailand. I think it’s better for everybody.Here’s the truth. I wrote and sold the recipe for the Kwanzaa cake to Sandra Lee and, while I’m confessing my soul, yes, for Christ’s sake, the Chanukah cake, too. There, I said it.

Forgive me Father.

I can honestly say Ms. Lee had nothing against African Americans or Jews. She just has incredibly bad food taste. She was not discriminating about who would be harmed from her culinary “creations.” Think what your taste would be like if you came from carnival or circus people. Did I just offend Paris Hilton?

When the Angel Food Cake Collection came to life, Ms. Lee was converting to Judaism herself for her new husband and she seriously wanted to bring her new “cuisine” to an entire nation. Well, let’s put it this way, she wanted to sell a shitload of books. And she did. She wanted fame and money. And she succeeded. I believe that’s often thought of as the American dream by many, isn’t it? Note to all American Dreamers: This may be a good time to take a look inward.

I think I hear the audible gasps. I’m wondering how long before the angry mob will be gathering on my front yard. Crap, will they bring torches? Will my neighbors call the fire department?

In my defense, I must start at the beginning. I’ve been developing recipes for cookbook authors and food companies for over twenty years. At least twenty of the fifty cookbooks I’ve ghostwritten or contributed to have ended up on the New York Times Best-Seller List. Many celebrities or TV chefs hire me because they are too busy to write their own recipes. This is not unusual.

In some cases, the “talent”, as they are known in the business, have no talent. They do not know how to write a recipe or even cook, for that matter. Therefore, as a trained chef, food stylist and recipe writer, I come in handy.

I sell recipes from $100-$400 dollars apiece plus the cost of groceries. I love it. Not only is it fun, creative and challenging, I get to study all kinds of food. Most projects are just plain terrific. I’m humbled by the amazing people I’ve gotten to write and work for.

But (isn’t there always a but?)…wait for it…wait for it.

One night in my office, at least 10 years ago, my phone rang. I answered it. If only I had noticed that my dogs started to howl and blood mysteriously started seeping from the walls. Alas, I did not. So excited to close the sale, I made an appointment with a personal assistant to meet “the next Martha Stewart, only bigger.” I was happy to think about this latest project that would help feed my assistants.

It turned out that the premise of this cookbook would be “delicious desserts with nothing made from scratch.” This book would be the second in a series. The first book was almost done, but apparently the writer, food stylist and recipe tester from that first book had all gone sailing in the Bermuda Triangle to celebrate and had disappeared. The books were being self-published by Ms. Lee, unless she could find a publisher, ASAP. She really, really wanted a publishing partner.

I ‘m not sure if it was because my head was spinning 360 degrees and my retinas had become burned by some horrible smoke that seemed to fill the room whenever she moved, but I wasn’t grasping the concept. “No fresh food. Just canned food. Nothing fresh, do you understand me? All food out of cans or boxes, so it’s easy for the homemaker …and write the brand name of the cans or boxes right in the recipe.”

I assumed it was the ten years of smoking dope in my formative years that was making me stupid. Then I thought, okay, this is another slant on The Cake Mix Doctor, by Anne Byrn. A book that had been wildly successful. I can do this.

Before you say a word, let me say one more thing in my defense.

I have people that depend on me for their livelihood. Assistants, designers, photographers, and especially my American Express Platinum card. I sign the checks, so I have to bring in the money. To make my small business work, I took the job. First time I ever signed a contract. Of all the truly big stars and real celebrities I’ve worked with, it was always just a handshake and my reputation for getting the job done that created the deal. To put it simply, I deliver what I say I will.

Ms. Lee insisted on a contract. Her attorney at the time also sold Mexican art.

Please, I can’t make this shit up.

Fuck me; of course I should have seen the writing on the wall.

Thirteen months past and after exactly 151 recipes, I tried to fake my death.

Ms. Lee called and though we were done with the book, she needed at least ten extra angel food cakes for “fun” sugary holiday times to sell to a magazine. Just a reader’s note, it wasn’t Gourmet, but the magazine I designed those “adorable cakes” for is still in business.

Read it and weep.

Please ask yourself, what would you have done in my place? See how that Kwanzaa cake is looking better from my perspective? I will tell you truly, the candles were her idea.

I guess I imagined something more refined. And I know the Corn Nuts were disgusting, but she didn’t. As a matter of fact, the more tasteless the recipes got the more she liked them, the faster she approved them, and I could get home and drink some medium-priced wine after our meetings. She’s not a good role model for abstinence.

Get it?

The last words I’ll speak, before I board my plane and go to a land where nobody knows Sandra Lee, is that I had to fill the cavity of the Chanukah cake with marshmallows so it wouldn’t collapse under all that frosting, and so that much-discussed pearl Star of David “crown” wouldn’t topple. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I’ve never watched any of the videos on YouTube. My priest says, “Never call the devil.”

And to think, Anthony Bourdain was afraid of her. Crap, he was never even close.”

@sassking-trevor @peppapigvevo i am losing my fucking mind rn

I cant believe this was on my dash AGAIN

17:30

sylveonce:

unpretty:

gregorydickens:

victorian-sexstache:

unpretty:

son-of-maglor:

fiskeorn:

elkian:

unpretty:

unpretty:

dr-hollands:

unpretty:

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

I’m sorry what

you heard me

#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

@genericrevenge

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

kinda, yeah

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

That logo looks familiar.

WHAT

OH MY GOD

15:37
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13:45

peppylilspitfuck:

gnollgirl:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

soft-arthropod:

yet-another-mistake:

dateanenbysuggest:

“were you born a boy or a girl”

bold of you to assume I was born at all

I personally was created in a lab

Just straight up spawned

the notes….the notes…..majestic abomination…you people, your merry destructive mayhem…this unholy mattress fire…….for fucks sake read the notes


I was retconned into existence to fix a plot hole four years ago.

I spawned in a cool, dark water lake in the center of a whispering wood.

11:52

akamxru:

akamxru:

cup a dert little worms babey!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ALREADY KNO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON

May 15 2018

23:08

mental-ch-illness:

i said a HEALTHY coping skill rebecca!

21:15
Play fullscreen

sushinfood:

talkingsoup:

scotchtapeofficial:

a video i made to cope with myself

go fuck someone’s day up by loving yourself

can i just say that this video has so many different aspects to it that are just

like

really fucking remarkable and good?

like

thank you scotchtape

seriously, you’re amazing

19:23
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17:30

rainbowdrink:

inkskinned:

ive been on tumblr a long time and i remember when everyone said “oh don’t romanticize mental illness” and it was agreed that doing that was gross and a good way to kill people indirectly

but somehow we’ve come full circle and there are people who legit defend their right to be anti-recovery there are people who don’t want to get better and spread the idea that you can’t get better as if it’s gospel and it’s fucking frightening to me bc nobody seems to want to say “hey? this is toxic and untrue and is your disease speaking, and it’s not something you should accept.”

and i feel like every recovery post gets about 500 of these people saying “this isn’t something that will work” “cool karen i’m depressed” “maybe it worked for you but it won’t work for other people” and that’s… just… im so sorry if you’re 15. i’m sorry if you’re in high school and watching grown adults tell you it doesn’t get better. that nobody says that with time and help and patience the world stops being so heavy, that accepting your illness as a fact is one thing but accepting it as the only way to be is just wrong, that you can learn to live with it and still find some degree of “happy”…. if i had seen this shit back when i was … oh god starting at 12 when i was already self-harming …. i think i’d have actually honest-to-god killed myself. not a joke, not a funny tumblr punchline, i would have actually just killed myself. 

i’m saying this right here and right now to the adults on this site. if you for any reason shoot down positivity that’s causing no harm - you might have indirectly worsened someone else’s condition, and you should try and do better in the future. if you find it necessary to tell people “recovery is a lie”, you need to do better. i know everyone has different circumstances, but i also know that mental illness behaves in such a way that everyone thinks they can’t recover.  if you feel like you should be spreading the Word Of Relapse, you are causing toxic language to be normalized and you need to do better. 

im team “cool karen ive got depression and that means i’m going to try this because i’ve got to try something” i’m team “romanticize recovery” i’m team “it isn’t working now but it might in the future and it’s worth staying to find out” im team “hey this didn’t work for me but it might help somebody else out”

fuck guys it shouldn’t be an unpopular opinion to say “i don’t want any of you to die”.

the bottom line is that a positive attitude helps. eating right helps, keeping your space clean helps, sunlight helps. fucking yoga helps! 

no, it does not AUTOMATICALLY cure your depression. and YES, there are going to be people out there forcing these methods on you not for your health, but to shut you up. inconsiderate, neurotypical karen does exist, no one is denying that

but there are also people out there who genuinely want to see you at your best and you should listen to them! the path to peace is difficult but not impossible! if we perpetuate this culture of “nothing is ever going to change” then of course nothing is going to change, so fake it till you make it! 

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